Let’s Talk Television: The Same Mistakes Again

I watch terrible television so you don’t have to.

New This Week

CSI: Vegas (Monday, Paramount+)

We learn the Catherine (Marg Helgenberger) and Tarquenio (Benito Martinez) backstory. Thanks to climate collapse she finds new evidence and reopens the case against him. They uncover a scheme at his daughter’s private school which leads to his arrest. This all happened much more quickly than I expected so I’m not sure it’s finished?

Meanwhile, Ali (Mandeep Dhillon) and Max (Paula Newsome) continue to disagree about Allie’s plan to partner everyone up— Max points out that the only partnership that pre-dates Allie’s choice was her and Josh (Matt Lauria) and he’s under investigation. On Allie’s side, Chris (Jay Park) and Penny (Sarah Gillman) are peas in a pod but Beau (Lex Medlin) and Catherine are mostly annoying each other. So that’s a wash. Allie is also still entangled with Josh. She has a semi-secret meeting with him and gets in the middle of his relationship with Serena (Ariana Guera) when she learns Serena has been spying on them all for IAB since she arrived. So Max, who also already knew about Serena and IAB, is winning more points at the moment.

Josh and Serena break up (again) but if/when Josh gets his job back, he’ll be working under Allie so there are still barriers to their coupling. Not that CSI cared about that particular barrier in the past, but. Work wise I still want Josh to end up partnered with Catherine.

Death and Other Details (Tuesday, Hulu)

A lot of this episode takes place during the last episode, showing us what happened while Imogene (Violett Beane) was visiting Rufus’ (Mandy Patinkin) mind palace and vice versa. Anna (Lauren Patten) and the audience learn that her birth father was Llewellyn (Jere Burns), not Lawrence (David Marshall Grant)— making her not a ‘real’ Collier. Immediately after that bombshell Imogene shows up with her news that Celia (Lisa Lu) was working with her mother to bring down the Colliers as revenge for her husband’s death in their factory. This is all in front of everyone, and in the middle of it Leila (Pardis Saremi) also brings up Anna’s sleeping with Celia’s granddaughter Eleanor (Karoline).

SO Anna and Imogene have a heated discussion about all of that and it ends with them finding her mother Katherine (Jayne Atkinson) dead in the pool. Also, Llewellyn’s suicide has been reclassified as a murder so that’s four murders. Five if you count Kira, though her death has been pinned on Lawrence. But Leila named Katherine as Victor Simms only for Katherine to be found dead. The mystery is still mysterying!

FBI (Wednesday, Paramount+)

OA (Zeeko Zaki) is babygirl and desperately needs better storylines. I sense a theme given I said the same about Jubal (Jeremy Sisto) and Tiff (Katherine Renee Kane) and it is certainly true of Maggie (Missy Peregrym). I mean, I guess OA’s Random Girlfriend Is A Problem Again is better than OA Explains Racism To His Coworkers Again. But when they introduce the Random Girlfriend and make her A Problem in the same episode I already know not to care about her! Introduce her, or at the very least introduce the concept of her (I legitimately didn’t know/forgot that OA was no longer with his last Random Girlfriend Who Is A Problem), wait two episodes minimum, and then introduce the idea that she’s In With The Wrong Crowd and Possibly Not Actually A Criminal But Definitely Not Someone Babygirl FBI Should Be Dating. This would also give Maggie more to work with. She could be wary of Random Girl and we could wonder if she was right or biased or secretly in love with her partner (that old chestnut) or jealous of normalcy or grieving— but instead, she’s just proven immediately right. And it’s an absurd coincidence that drives the plot.

Anyway, I love everything that Tiff wears but I’m on the fence about Maggie’s bangs. They are very cute! But are they Maggie?

FBI: Most Wanted (Wednesday, Paramount+)

This week’s case reminded me of the (excellent) movie M3GAN. A coder (Robbie Sublett) based his AI program on his late wife. When it’s bought by a tech bro businessman (Johnny M. Wu) and turned into a porn bot the coder loses it, murders the Instagram model whose likeness was grafted onto the porn bot (Grace Dundaw) and the tech bro, and breaks into the company’s server room to remake the program into his wife and then set her free on the interwebs. Remy (Dylan McDermott) talks him down by bonding over grief and we are saved from the Revenge AI (for now).

In other news, Hana (Keisha Castle-Hughes) gives a lecture at Quantico Professor Rollins style and gets a mentee and new roomie when cyber groupie Kat (Christina Karthchner) approaches her after to gush that she wants to be Hana when she grows up. I am very on board with this.

Chicago Med (Thursday, Peacock)

Good job, Med, you gave me what I asked for last week. One, Ripley (Luke Mitchell) has a story that is about his past but not his past with Charles (Oliver Platt). And two, Zola (Sophia Ali) got a new and different Broken Healthcare storyline.

Ripley’s childhood friend Robert (Daniel Dorr) is brought into the ER after a bar fight and demands to see ‘Rip’. Ripley pretends he barely knows or cares about him but this becomes blatantly untrue when, after a lung cancer diagnosis Robert refuses to be tested for, Ripley starts a fight right in the middle of the ED. They were close until Ripley escaped Chicago and became the doctor he is today. Charles convinces him to try approaching Robert as his friend rather than his doctor and when he does, Robert accepts an inhaler. This looks like a storyline that will end in sorrow.

Zola learns that her quest to get a potentially dangerous medication out of the hospital (last week’s round of Zola v Bureaucracy) worked out after all. Her good day continues when Crockett (Dominic Rains) agrees with her aggressive plan for a patient. But then she learns that the med replacing the med she got kicked out is much more expensive than the old one, and that cost will be on the patients more than the insurance or the hospital, and she starts to worry that maybe everyone who says she’s too impulsive is right after all. Crockett sends her off to think about her life choices and does the surgery (that she suggested in the first place) over her objections. Instead of thinking about her life choices, Zola uncovers the truth about the board’s decision to back her play: the board member who got the med replaced gets the profit for the med replacement. Dun dun dun!

Archer (Steven Weber) helps a basketball star (Cayen Martin) get the surgery he needs to get back in the game and Maggie (Marlyne Barrett) helps his mom (Deirdre Henry) move past her fear about it. And finally, Bert (Gregory Allen Williams) officially has Alzheimer’s Dementia, throwing Sharon (S Epatha Merkerson) into what also promises to be a long and depressing storyline.

Hannah was not in this episode and I would like to lodge a complaint. Although, it’s fair to not have an emergent OB case every week I guess.

Law & Order (Friday, Peacock)

I want to give Shaw (Mehcad Brooks) a hug. Superficially, he’s gorgeous, he’s built, and I could definitely get lost in his arms. But more importantly, he needs a hug!

The episode opens with Shaw stopping a man later identified as Kenneth Cartwright (Chinaza Uche) from jumping into the Hudson River. He talks him down, gives him his card, and lets him go— to shoot the doctor who failed to save his pregnant wife and unborn child. Cartwright pleads not guilty by reason of insanity brought on by the stress of racism— Black women have the highest maternal mortality rate in the United States. Shaw thinks that’s fair but Nolan (Hugh Dancy) subpoenas him to testify that Cartwright knew what he did was wrong and was therefore legally sane.

Shaw and Riley (Reid Scott) have a heart-to-heart in a bar where Shaw has to explain once again that racism is real and that none of his white co-workers can speak to it. And there are tears in his eyes and his voice and it is the most captivating moment I have seen on this show in forever. Give Brooks an award, give Shaw a hug.

Shaw testifies and Cartwright is found guilty, of course, because that’s how Law & Order (and the “law and order” of American politics) defines justice.

Law & Order: SVU (Friday, Peacock)

The most interesting part of this episode, to me, is the final scene with Olivia (Mariska Hargitay) and her two new peers Captain Curry (Aimé Donna Kelly) and Agent Sykes (Jordana Spiro). Curry, the planner, joined SVU spontaneously. Sykes, the “tumbleweed” chose to land at SVU. And Olivia says she didn’t expect to be at SVU for twenty-five years but the job had a plan for her. The lines between Olivia and Mariska blur to the point of nonexistence in that moment. But also, she’s framed through the window the same way she was in the first scene of the season premiere. Then she was being wistful about love, here she’s being pensive about her calling. That’s interesting.

The case of the week is less interesting. ‘Nerds gamify sex’ is not a new plot and the main rape victim was oddly written. I think it was meant to come across as ‘shy sheltered girl has interest in sex despite overbearing father’ but making her a tourist from Singapore (which was necessary to the plot) gave that a weird anti-Asian edge. And there’s the part where they point out we shouldn’t use the g slur for Roma to describe certain kinds of taxis . . . and then use it three more times in the episode. SVU Writers, that’s bad actually.

So the case is weak but I like that Olivia has a full squad and I like them all individually. Bruno (Kevin Kane) being territorial about his desk is adorable. I love that Captain Curry’s baking is a recurring character beat. Bruno and Velasco (Octavio Pisano) work well together and it’s nice to see Olivia more relaxed. It’s a perfectly competent if unremarkable episode.

But I keep coming back to that final scene. They’ve given her peers, not rookies; Curry is already a captain. If this was a different show I would say they’re setting up Olivia’s exit. There was also the weird scene about Noah— they ask if Olivia always wanted to be a mom and she says it kind of fell in her lap. A) that ignores that she did want to be a mother but B) it links up to SVU choosing her, which seems to me to be the point. And there’s the compass of it all. You need a compass when you’re lost and you need a compass when you are actively seeking a path.

But if Benson is Batman she’s never gonna give up the cowl. So for the second week in a row (at least) I have no idea why anything is happening and I do not like it.

Law & Order:Organized Crime (Friday, Peacock)

Still easily the best of the Laws & Orders and it’s because it doesn’t give a fuck. Organized Crime is not always good but it is always trying to do something. Being the misfit stepchild with fewer expectations and no clear sense of purpose allows the show more opportunity to swing for the fences.

This episode felt a bit like a collection of SVU hits, one of the thematic marathons on USA that only hang together if you know the context. There are the bodies buried on the beach, the small town closing ranks, the creepy serial killer with a special interest in our star. Heidi’s (Lauren LaVera) abduction, Bobby’s (Rick Gonzalez) divorce, and Jet’s (Ainsley Sieger) dead flowers are all reminiscent of Olivia and/or Elliot (Christopher Meloni). And there’s the IAB interview that details Elliot’s history as a problem. But its core themes are those of Organized Crime— and fwiw also The Count of Monte Cristo: Identity, betrayal, revenge, redemption, and how they all intersect with love.

Elliot has been on a journey of atonement the whole time and the religious underpinning was always there but it kicks into high gear with him up against a killer who is clearly a Bad Christian. This makes Elliot the Good Christian despite his sins and despite him burning his cross along with his copy of the Dumas novel. But he has to get out from the shadow of his father, he has to find solid footing, he has to accept his limitations as well as his responsibilities.

tldr; I love Elliot Stabler, he’s my favorite, I am way more invested in this than anything going on on the other DW shows, sorry not sorry.

So Help Me Todd (Friday, Paramount+)

Before Todd (Skylar Astin) worked for Margaret (Marcia Gay Harden) he briefly worked for Belinda (Sandra Bernhard), an ambulance chaser-type lawyer who is now charged with manslaughter as part of a faked fall scam that resulted in the scammer dying. Margaret takes on her case because she’s willing to pay more and in cash and the firm is currently underwater. Todd, Lyle (Tristen J. Winger), Alex (Vinessa Antoine), and Allison (Madeline Wise) work together to uncover the real scammer pretending to be Belinda and clear her name.

Because the firm is underwater, Margaret puts off the promotion she all but promised Susan (Inga Schliggman) which I am certain will lead to Susan working with Beverly to undermine Margaret. Beverly is super shady. And now that forensic accountant Alex is sneaking into her office I will not be surprised if the firm’s money troubles are her fault or even criminal. This plot is the bread and butter of legal dramas and I do love intrigue though I am worried about both Susan (being used by Beverly) and Lyle (being used nu Alex?) ending up hurt.

Also Watching

My son introduced me to Arcane: League of Legends (Netflix). We’ve watched three episodes and the third DESTROYED me. There are only nine episodes total so I will be done with this soon, but we are already plotting cosplay.

I also watched the first episode of my Abortion on ER project. I’d say more but I hope to actually write up said project.

Mental Illness Sidebar

The most we get is Jet assuming Bobby’s therapy isn’t working when he tells her he’s taking a leave of absence and getting a divorce. Bobby and I know that both of those choices indicate therapy IS working.

Elliot is also still having post-traumatic stress dreams about the people he cares about dying. I hope he tells someone soon.

Ship of the Week

You know, I try to be normal about the decline of romance in media (e.g. the “sexless MCU” debate and the lack of rom-coms) but I keep coming up empty for this category.

So Help Me Todd introduced barista Judy (Heather Morris) as (I think) a love interest for Todd but while she seemed interested he didn’t notice. Alex and Lyle kissed and then she went on a spy mission leading me to believe that their relationship is not as innocently cute as it seems. I already complained about OA and Gemma. I still think Crockett and Zola are heading there but right now he’s her mentor and direct supervisor. Bobby and Jet’s romance is still a thing but I’m not convinced it exists as more than the next generation of Elliot and OIivia. Allie and Josh are cute but Josh broke up with Serena this week. Love is just not in the air.

Song of the Week

This is a new category because I’m annoyed at the lack of ships.

This song has been on my EO playlist since 2016 at least (the song dates to 2007). But it is entirely as relevant to the Elliot of this week as it was then. Plus”[they’ll] just make the same mistake again” is the tldr; of my complaints with all the Dick Wolf shows and TV in general.

Show of the Week

I am a broken record but Organized Crime.

What are YOU watching?