I watch terrible television so you don’t have to.
A Quick Reminder
It’s a new season, so I want to quickly re-explain that I use “terrible” with affection. The series I watch and cover don’t win awards or critical acclaim; “Prestige TV” bores me. I want dramaz. I want overwrought emotions. I want performances that exceed the script by miles because the actors take the nonsense seriously. Most importantly, I want mess.
Also, I watch streaming exclusively and have since The Good Wife season six (2014), so these are all listed by streaming service even if they are broadcast.
New This Week
9-1-1: Lone Star (Tuesday, Hulu)
Ch-ch-ch-changes! This is the first season of Lone Star to air in September, which I didn’t even think about until I started writing this. So, while in a way it means the show took a year off after the strikes, in another way it lines up with how all the other shows started six months late after the strikes. None of that matters, but it was the first ch-ch-ch-change. Now onto the more interesting ones.
The action skips forward one year. Judd (Jim Parrack) retired, leaving an opening for Lieutenant at the 126. Marjan (Natacha Karam) and Paul (Brian Michael Smith) both want the job, leaving Owen (Rob Lowe) in a quandary. We, the audience, know that Judd also wants the job (back), and however it ends up it will be a pickle so, everybody look forward to that. Meanwhile, Carlos (Rafael L. Silva) left Austin PD to be a Texas Ranger like his late Dad, which means we get cowboy hats and shiny stars every week so I support it. Carlos also has a new partner, Ranger Campbell (Parker Young). Finally, Judd’s son Wyatt (Jackson Pace, now a regular), is still using a wheelchair and can no longer fulfill his dream of being a firefighter like his Dad— But! He can follow in the footsteps of his stepmother, Grace (Sierra McClain, who left the series), and is now the show’s 9-1-1 dispatcher. Grace leaving Texas to join the Mercy Ships is the biggest change.
Grace leaving to join an international humanitarian organization because the actress chose to leave the show is very reminiscent of what happened with Gabby Dawson (Monica Raymund) in Chicago Fire. But this is the last season of Lone Star so I suspect that Judd will not be the new-old LT for the 126 and will instead end up following Grace. Or if he does go back, he’ll be captain by the finale and Grace will return even if McClain does not appear on screen. Owen and Judd as captains with Marjan and Paul as lieutenants makes everybody happy right? In short I think Judd/Grace will end up better than Dawson/Casey in Fire.
Anyways, this episode was entirely about resetting the table. It begins with a chemical cloud baring down on a school and ends with a train derailment that I assume created the cloud. So we can also look forward to that disaster playing out over I’m guessing two more episodes. And Carlos is working late nights to solve his dad’s murder (off the books? I assume?). If it wasn’t the final season I’d worry that his tension with Campbell would cause tension in his marriage with TK (Robin Rubenstein) but Carlos/TK have to be endgame so I’m not. Instead they can solve a murder all together, I’d be down with that. Maybe TK can get a cowboy hat too.
Agatha All Along (Wednesday, Disney+)
The series started last week, with a two-episode premiere. It will also end with a two-episode finale dropping the night before Halloween. I found the first episode grating. The “Agatha doesn’t remember she’s Agatha” plot was both too short (honestly, I’d love to watch a crime show about a witch-cop) and too long (they didn’t even try to make it a real thing so it was interminably boring) and I don’t care at all about the “angry witch wants to kill Agatha” plot with Rio Vidal (Aubrey Plaza). But the second and third episodes are redeeming. There are So. Many. (Witchy) Women. Plus one gay teen. I know it shouldn’t be exciting that a series is majority women, but it is.
The tldr; version of the plot is Teen (Joe Locke) convinces Agatha (Kathryn Hahn) to walk the Witches Road so they can both get what they want most: power (though I suspect power is not actually what either of them wants most). To get on the road, Agatha needs a coven so they build one with diviner Lilia (Patti LuPone!), potion expert Jennifer (Sasheer Zamata), protector Alice Wu-Gulliver (Ali Ahn), and not-actually-an-Earth-witch Sharon (Debra Jo Rupp). They must go through trials along the road and after the first one Sharon dies (oops).
Teen is the mystery box of the series: he has a sigil on him so no one magic can learn who he really is. Is he Wanda’s son Billy? Is he Agatha’s son who she allegedly traded for the Darkhold? Is he Mephisto’s son or Mephisto himself? The series wants us to go crazy trying to figure it out and I refuse. I would like him to be Billy because I love Billy and I love Wanda and want Wanda back. But I don’t trust modern television so I will wait and see.
Chicago Med (Thursday, Peacock)
Ch-ch-ch-changes here, too. Crockett (Dominic Rains) is out, leaving off-screen. I liked him, but his storylines pretty much universally went nowhere. Leaving on-screen are Liliana (Adet Taylor), the cleaning lady girlfriend of Dr. Charles (Oliver Platt), and Hudgins (Conor Perkins). It’s sad to lose Liliana, but it means we also lose Pawel (Kristof Konrad) so I’m okay with it, and it’s probably notable that I didn’t remember Hudgins name until this episode.
Doctors out means doctors in. Goodwin (S. Epatha Merkerson) brings in Caitlin Lenox (Sarah Ramos) to co-head the ER alongside Archer (Steven Weber). They butt heads immediately, of course, as Lenox sees the need for major changes, and Archer takes that personally, as well as her whole existence. This is all very reminiscent of Archer’s introduction when he was the interloper wanting to make his mark, as well as his initial response to Hannah (Jessy Schram). They’re now besties and I expect Hannah to be protective of Archer but also to be the one who convinces him come around on Lenox.
The other new doc is pediatric resident John Frost (Darren Barnet), who will be displaced when his hospital closes next week, but Hudgins’s firing means Med has a slot for a new resident. Frost is adorable, and I already love him. His charm offensive may not have worked on Maggie (Marlyne Barrett) but it 100% worked on me. Until they give him an actual love interest, I will ship him with Sidney LaForge Naomi Howard (Ashlei Sharpe Chestnut).
Finally, Hannah and Ripley (Luke Mitchell) are on the outs because of the whole Pawel plot. If you forgot, and gods know I did, Pawel got beat up after lying about Ripley and suing the hospital, and Hannah suspected Ripley blah blah blah whatever— again, more than happy to be rid of this guy, sorry not sorry, Dr. Charles. Anyways, Ripley comes clean with Hannah, letting her know that his bestie was responsible for Pawel’s beat down and he knew about it but kept it quiet because he’s a good friend and he has a lot of hang ups about being diagnosed with conduct disorder as a kid. He didn’t say that last part, but it’s what I heard. Hannah’s reaction is TBD.
9-1-1 (Friday, Hulu)
The 118 has a new captain, Gerrard (Brian Thompson), and everyone hates him because he hates and abuses everyone, but especially Buck (Oliver Stark). It’s firefighters versus escaped killer bees and Buck saves the day twice which only serves to get him in more trouble— for going rogue and being too good at his job I guess. This results in what appears to be a kind of panic attack with Buck distracted by the noises of the firehouse plus memories of past abuse/negging while Gerrard is abusing him in the present. In response Buck knocks Gerrard to the ground just in time to avoid being hit by a loosed buzzsaw. Did Buck hear the saw or was he lashing out? Unclear, but while Gerrard avoided the saw, his head slammed into the ground and he’s now bleeding into the concrete. Status TBD!
Meanwhile, it seems Bobby (Peter Krause) successfully unretired but without a firehouse to land at he’s assigned to act as an expert on a Hollywood TV series about firefighters. Which is HILARIOUS. And Athena (Angela Bassett) is assigned to transport the man who killed her fiancé, now a witness against a sex trafficker getting released early in exchange for his intel. Which is HORRIBLE. Athena being Athena, she saves him from a hitman and they abscond onto an airplane so no more can catch them. 9-1-1 being 9-1-1, that plane collides with a smaller plane due to a swarm of killer bees in the first/last minutes of the episode.
Doctor Odyssey (Friday, Hulu)
Okay, so this is another Ryan Murphy jaunt, and it stars Pacey Witter (Dawson’s Creek) AKA Peter Bishop (Fringe) AKA Joshua Jackson, and it’s a medical drama that takes place on a cruise ship. In other words, this is destined to be epically terrible television and I am so excited.
The pilot did not disappoint. It has all the normal “pilot episode” issues of setting and characterization exposition. The captain (Don Johnson) gives a speech about the wonders of a cruise ship and the duties of her crew while walking around the set. Nurse Tristan (Sean Teale) confesses his years-long crush on Nurse Practitioner Avery (Phillipa Soo) to new Doctor Max (Jackson). And most egregiously, Max explains how being patient zero of Connecticut’s coronavirus outbreak and nearly dying in isolation led to him pursuing joy aka this job.
The patient mishaps pop up the same way the 9-1-1 calls do over on 9-1-1 (another Murphy series for ABC), and I expect them to escalate to bonkers once the show gets going (this episode’s most eye-popping is a penis fracture, lbr that’s child’s play). But the relationship shenanigans go hard right away when Tristan challenges Max to a sandy beach dance-off to “Despacito” that Max wins by enticing Avery to dance sexy with him and then they make-out. This is literal seconds after Tristan tells Max he’s in love with Avery and has been for at least two years*. Max and Avery decide to follow the advice of the song and take things slowly (AKA agree it shouldn’t go anywhere and will never happen again, lol, sure Jan). And just to put a cap on that, the captain also tells Max to take the “love fest” slowly in the final seconds of the episode. Tristan has no chance.
*In case you were worried about tension, Tristan and Max make up after working together to rescue a man who fell overboard. In case you were excited about tension, I suggest this love triangle be a real triangle so we get Max/Avery, Tristan/Avery, and Max/Tristan. Love fest indeed.
Also Watching
I spent the hiatus rewatching House M.D. seasons 2-5 and random arcs of E.R. (And I am still absolutely going to write about both and also about the portrayal of abortion in medical dramas. Really, I am. Just not today.)
Hear my thoughts on Star Trek: Prodigy over at Antimatter Pod!
Mental Illness Sidebar
Besides Buck’s panic attack, which I’m not sure was actually meant to be a panic attack, the only nod to mental health is Owen attending a grief group with Tommy (Gina Torres) to talk about his dead brothers. He makes fun of the guy running it but thanks Tommy for bringing him.
And Max has a brief flashback to his covid past when he gets an IV so maybe PTSD is on the horizon there.
Ship of the Week
Romance gets so little play these days. Max and Avery’s make-out sesh is the only kissing found. TK helps Carlos come up with a break in his case, which is cute. Ripley traps Hannah in an elevator to explain himself which is much less cute, though I’m starting to come around on them. Grace left Judd, Liliana broke it off with Charles, even Bobby and Athena were MIA in the romance department this week.
So I’ll go with Teen and Boyf, who may or may not be Billy and Teddy, even though their only interaction was a missed call that actually happened in last week’s episode.
Song of the Week
The fake crime series opening credits of Agatha All Along are delightful:
Show of the Week
Tough call, none of these are GREAT. They are mostly middling. Despite my misgivings, Agatha All Along has me the most interested.
What are YOU watching?